You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
