I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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