so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
