Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
