I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
