Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Come share oat with me in your robe
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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