The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
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I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
try to milk me bitch
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