I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
