dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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