...so i touched it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
