apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
