there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
