Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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