I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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