So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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