Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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