So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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