you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
