What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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