But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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