We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
