Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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