Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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