Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
