Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
