My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hotel room ftw
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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