I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
