No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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