It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
