my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
