Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
