I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
