Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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