If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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