I just made out with a guy for $7.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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