i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
