Small penises have feelings too.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
