i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
