I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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