By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize