he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
