who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
