Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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