i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Never underestimate the power of titties
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
