i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
