this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
