When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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