Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
