i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
this beer tastes like vomit already
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
