Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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