no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
