can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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