I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
