peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
