my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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