Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
