I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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