??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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