Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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