i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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