woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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