What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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