Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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