it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
