why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
