Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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