We're facebook friends in real life
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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