these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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