wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
