I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
