areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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