:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So squirting runs in the family.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
