its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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