hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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