I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
