The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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