I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
