I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
