My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish i was in the wii world.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
