M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
