Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
