fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
