Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
