So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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