so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
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I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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