Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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